Support for Downsizing a Church

When asked why GracePoint doesn’t use Facebook or Twitter or other social media to communicate our message (The Grace Perspective), I explain that it is not intended for an open forum, that we communicate it through personal emails only to those who request it. All of which makes for a small audience.

When asked why I don’t write a book, I explain that more books don’t need to be written to interfere or conflict with the time needed to read a Book which has already been written that surpasses all others.

When ask why I don’t pastor a traditional church (GracePoint is a grace renewal “come and receive” church, not a performance-driven “go and give” church), I explain that traditional churches often exist to

• provide support and opportunity for guilt and ego driven service in the community to help circumvent the outcome of poor choices,
• teach what they think the Bible says, and
• raise money in order to
• build buildings and programs,
• increase attendance, and
• pay salaries. 

Jokingly I say sometimes that I might consider a traditional church that wants to downsize (maybe to meet in the broom closet). That’s because the ministry support I give (for learning how to read the Scripture in order to hear God in order to experience Christ to a fuller measure each day in order to manifest his Likeness in the world beginning at home) is not a popular or welcomed message. It resulted in the crucifixion of Christ, the martyrdom of his disciples, and the persecution of the First Century Church.

Members would leave the church in droves, especially if they are addicted to

• entertainment music,
• codependent relationships called fellowship (but not the koinonia of Scripture),
• whooptalyptics preaching or either profound sounding intellectualizing to learn what the Bible says (not the same as understanding what it means), and especially
• feel-good, ego, and guilt motivated programs to superficially relieve the pain of the needy. 

DonLoy Whisnant/The Grace Perspective/Journey Notes 16J09

Lost Influence: The Lasting Fallout of Leadership Failure 

Looking at our large back yard last night with family members, it occurred to me that a half century ago, I was 14 years old. That was a somber thought.  

I also thought that in those days a yard this size would have been filled almost everyday with neighborhood kids playing softball, even if it was with a stick sometimes, or football. But that was before video games.  

My thoughts then drifted to my childhood. I became a Christian when I was 5 and surrendered to the ministry when I was 17. But I missed having essential temperament needs met at home in my early life (especially for validation and affection), and as a result, I was not only left broken, but also unsupported later in life for meeting the redemptive leadership needs of others - especially my family. 

We can recover from some failures. For example, our bodies can recover from the foolish choices we make that break our health. We can also recover financially, vocationally, and even psychologically. And sometimes, elements of a relationship can also be repaired. I can give testimony to all of these.  

But recovery of lost leadership influence with those God gives us to serve is very difficult. It has something to do with the addictions and anger those relationships fall into because of the pain of their unmet leadership/support needs.  

Of course, this is not the same as codependent (make-me-feel-better) relationships. Those relationships seem to never be lost because they do not depend on effectual leadership to meet redemptive needs but on performance (also handouts) to accommodate superficial pain relief needs.  

Even if the support leadership is good, those it serves may still temporarily drift away. We see this in the Gospels during Christ's ministry on earth, and also in the New Testament account of the first century church. Paul expressed grief in his letter to some he had pastored at Galatia.” What happened to you!” he lamented. “You have fallen from grace (the grace message).” 

But, as a rule, the falling away is because of poor leadership, not regardless of good leadership. 

The support we offer in our counseling to parents warns about this – that we may not get but one chance to get it right. This means the fallout of our failure to meet the redemptive needs of our children (lost leadership influence/opportunity) can be passed on to several generations (become a "generational curse").  

But if we do get it right - that is, if we are enabled by our experience of Christ to provide effectual leadership to those we serve, it will support them for getting it right with those they serve. 

This is included in the meaning of  

"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen."- Ephesians 3:21-22 

DonLoy Whisnant/Journey Notes 13C21/The Grace Perspective 13D03

Intimacy with Christ: A Hard Sell (From the Big Room to the Broom Closet!)

My early legalistic ministry produced impressive organizational growth and some recognition. In time, however, it failed because it was rooted in my energies (also ignorance, arrogance, and even carnality) more than in Christ.

But then I heard the call of Christ to broken people:

“Come unto me (connect/yoke to me) all you who are wornout trying to do my work and I will give you recovery” (Matthew 18:28-30).

I responded and Christ began a new work in me.

At the outset, I was certain this message of healing and recovery through intimacy with Christ would be highly appreciated and earnestly sought after by a hurting world.

“Where has this message been?” they would ask. “We are worn out by the performance message and have been waiting for you!”

Actually, many have come who were hurting, and maybe all have been helped in measure, but not all have fully received the message which Paul called "God's grace in all its Truth" (Colossians 1:5-6).

After hearing me speak to a group recently on the subject of God’s grace (his love and care to make provisions for our healing, and the opportunity we have to receive it), a kind, older gentleman wanted to make sure I understood that “God does what he wants to do, that if he wants something to happen, it will happen, and if he doesn’t, then it won’t.” I learned he was a member of a prominent church where he was being taught the performance message (which, essentially, is to please God in order to earn his favor/win blessings from him). I was sad for him, not only because he hobbled around, looked to weigh 300 pounds, and said he was diabetic, but also because he had not yet learned the organic, sowing and reaping connection between his poor health and the choices he made (for diet, exercise, and supplementation) – also that he was putting the blame on God for his broken health.

Through the years, I have found the message of grace (God’s provisions for our healing, beginning with intimacy with Christ) is a hard sell. Kind persons politely walk out, go to sleep, or turn away. But I don’t have any other message.

I joke that a church would not want to invite me for a seminar if they were interested in increasing their numbers, but only if they were running out of space and needed to reduce, because, in only a few short weeks, I could have them meeting in the broom closet.

DonLoy Whisnant/Journey Notes 12C17

Father’s Day: Celebrating Recovery

Celebrating Father’s Day (the same as Pastor Appreciation Day) is okay, especially when the father has understood his role as a dad and was faithful to live it out to his children from their births. But I don't see that happening in our culture. Maybe that is because I deal with so many in counseling who are broken because of the failed leadership in their lives, beginning with their parents.

It is the role of parents to serve their children as a resource, even into their later years, as long as they have health to do so. I talk with older parents who are disappointed and bitter because they parented with the expectation of being served by their children ("after all I have done for them" - which, by the way, was only material and did not include meeting their temperament needs per Proverbs 22:6, "Train up a child to meet his needs consistent with the way he is tempered or bent").

I understand that expressing gratitude to imperfect parents is appropriate when children genuinely appreciate some aspects of their childhood. (Although some children are understandably angry and very bitter, so disconnect totally. I don't think they owe their parents anything that was not earned, despite what religious legalism says.)

Several years ago, I wrote that Father's Day is a good time for fathers who have failed (but are in recovery) to celebrate their new understanding and commitment to serve as a resource to their children in whatever way is possible and age appropriate. That is the reason I always pay when I celebrate with those I am called to serve, and especially on Father’s Day. At my age, that is everyone. I have no pastor or mentor to pay my fare.

Also, I do not accept personal gifts or services from those I counsel. I do the gift giving, including my counseling time. If counselees are helped and want to give, I suggest to them to seek for ways to give (pass on) to others what they have received. This may mean they want to give to support the work of GracePoint so that others can be helped, which some do.

Don Loy Whisnant/Journey Notes 10F20

Embarrassed by Errors: Losing the Need to Win

My friend was excited recently to plan a weekend trip for his family to an amusement theme park. The kids were especially excited as they loaded up on Friday afternoon and headed out. The travel experience was enjoyable, including the in-car conversations, the scenic views along the highway, and the timely stop at a favorite restaurant to eat. Arriving at their destination, they found the hotel accommodations very comfortable. Dad had done great. He was proud. Early the next morning, after a great breakfast with the family, the happy dad strolled by the guest services counter to confirm directions to the park. That’s when he learned that the park had closed for the season the week before.

As a college student many years ago, I was a cocky young man, a legend in my own mind. I hated to lose and hated worse to be wrong. I was asked once (old joke) if I hated to lose. I said I didn’t know, because I had never lost. In a discussion, I was arrogant to imply that, in order to save time, let's just go ahead and assume I know everything. Of course, I didn’t.

I was embarrassed at a family reunion one summer when I was too energetic to help jump start a dead car battery, I carelessly connected the cables to the wrong battery posts and set the engine wires to smoking. I also offered to help with a complex home remodeling project. The outcome was disastrous.

The need to be perfect, to know everything, or to never lose is brokenness. So while I do not subscribe to the notion that deliberately misspelling a word or giving a wrong answer is good therapy to treat perfectionism, I am no longer intimidated by losing or intolerant to being wrong. I discovered that only losers need to win and that who we are in Christ and who he is in us makes us winners.

Don Loy Whisnant/Journey Notes 9K11

GracePoint Counseling

Hooray for Government: It's a Good Thing, But Only in Its Place!

I survived living near the Great Lakes in Ohio and Indiana during those harsh winters there in the mid 70's and early 80's, so the six inches of snow that fell here this week was beautiful, but not a biggie.

I recall arriving in northern Ohio in January during one winter snow storm. It was the first and only place I have ever lived where it snowed almost every day, sometimes for a week at a time. That winter we did not see our front lawn until almost Easter. I remember the mailboxes were covered over and had to be dug out, and in some places, only the tops of the street signs were visible. The city/county workers who plowed the snow from the roads and put down salt to melt the ice were superheroes to us in those days. I thought of them again this week when I saw the trucks and equipment moving out in advance of the snow that fell here.

I also thought again of God's wisdom to provide for government. It serves to protect our national freedoms, secure our currency, and is a safety net to provide for our emergency needs during extraordinary circumstances. Hooray for government.

Still, everything which God provides has its order. And as essential as government is, it is not intended to replace human freedoms, our responsibility to invest, or God's provisions in creation, the church and home, and Christ for our health and happiness.

Don Loy Whisnant/Journey Notes 9C07

GracePoint Counseling

Learning Later in Life the Truth My Mentors Missed

The ability to think analytically is an inborn temperament trait. Not every one is so gifted. A fellow said he was tired of his work. I asked why. He said because he was tired. He said that his drive to work was too far. I asked how far. He said it was a long ways. He also said he hated to work in cold weather, especially when the temperature was so low.

I asked wife, Carole, to remind me about an appointment later today. She said, "Remember your appointment later today." I said that I meant later. She said it was later.

I love the story about the museum curator who insisted the three-foot skeleton was indeed the Apostle Paul. "It was his when he was a boy," he explained.

Sometimes in counseling, I put the ability for critical thinking to the test. Once I half convinced a counselee that I had found a spray which would clean both sides of a glass window at the same time. I also told a young boy once that pineapple was porcupine meat. He said, "Gol-lee!" I told him also that my brother was an only child and that my grandmother died at the age of four. They both tested positive for either being very trusting or not very temperamentally energetic for critical thinking.

Then sometimes we are just ignorant (lack information). It is hard to come to Truth with only partial information.

For example, I understood as a child that the accumulation of good works had absolutely nothing to do with my eternal salvation. How blessed! (Thanks, Mom and Dad!) World religions do not understand that. Even in Christian churches, some do not understand that. They have missed understanding that our "works of righteousness" have no power to satisfy God's judgment against us because of Adam's disobedience in the Garden of Eden (Titus 3:5; Romans 5:12-19).

But I did miss understanding about God's provisions for our sanctification / healing, that it, too, just like for eternal salvation, was not based on pious behavior to impress God with our worthiness. So I lived a long time assuming that the blessings of God to meet my needs, particularly for the healing of my brokenness, were based upon me acting out to win his favor, including to fast and pray. It did not occur to me that, just as God had made provisions for my eternal salvation, he had also provided for my healing. And that they both were appropriated by faith to receive them. The one,

• 
  
  by receiving God's provision of Christ's death (his Blood shed on the cross) for me as the only payment he would accept to satisfy his judgment against me, and the other,
• 
  
  by receiving his provision of Christ Life birthed and nurtured in me by the Holy Spirit as my only hope for enablement to make wise choices (obedient response to the instructions he has given us through his Word) in order to establish me in health and happiness.

Part of the problem was the old English 1611 King James Bible. I thought if it was good enough for the Apostle Paul, it was good enough for me (old joke). It had beautiful prose, but was not the vernacular common to my understanding, nor with which I communicated. Hence, I missed understanding much in the Scripture just for that reason. It was also missed by my legalistic mentors. But never mind, we all relied on our commentaries to enlighten us.

Never mind, also, that the concepts my mentors taught me did not make sense. Neither did they work. When the house built upon my ignorance came tumbling down, I turned from the commentaries, bought a translation of the Bible in regular English, also without footnotes, and trusted the work of the Holy Spirit to reveal Truth to me - Truth that makes sense to my analytical mind; also, that works! Think of that!

Don Loy Whisnant/Journey Notes 8L06GracePoint Counseling

Lifestyle Choices: Calculating Chances for Living Well

We just may have this figured out. Carole and I don't live a straight 100 percent healthy lifestyle (food choices, exercise, sleep, etc.). We should, but we try to maintain at least an 80-20. This does not mean 20 percent reckless (we don't smoke or drink or act stupid), but nonetheless, 20 percent doing what would kill us sooner than later if we did it 100 percent.

Also, if 100 percent means we should never get sick, then 80-20 should mean we have an 80 percent chance of always being well (not the same as a 100 percent chance we will be sick 20 percent of the time). Calculating on: If we do get sick, we have the option to increase dramatically to 100 percent for recovery. Or, if we are not willing to do that, we should see a doctor. Makes sense to me.

Dealing with Doubting DocsCarole's long-time traditional Doc seems a little disappointed that she does not have the same appreciation for drugs as he does. For example, he knows she may have a strong hereditary predisposition to high cholesterol levels, based on her family history, and says drugs would be in order. So he is always curious to ask what she is "doing" to maintain her good report (most recently 50 HDL and 116 LDL). She told him "exercise, oats, EFA's (omegas 3, 6, and 9), and supplements including garlic, lecithin, niacin, and red yeast rice." He said, "You know (don't you?) that supplements have never been proven to help." She said she didn't know that

But he did persuade her to get an EKG and also stress test, just for peace of mind. So we were back to a cardiologist next morning for the EKG and dressed for the treadmill. After about thirty minutes Carole came bopping out to the waiting room smiling big. Seems after the EKG, the doctor said her heart was perfect, that she did not need the stress test. "He said I was a very healthy woman," she gloated.

This is not about Carole, but to testify to a grace principle. Health is not the outcome of leaving off the bad stuff, but faithfulness to include the good. If God is true, then there can be no other outcome.

Don Loy Whisnant/Journey Notes 8J22

gracepointamerica.org

Striving to Be First: A Failed Formula for Success

At a young age my son seemed to think I should be famous. Maybe it was because I was a legend in my own mind, or maybe it was the way I was highly motivated in those days to pastor one of the "100 Fastest Growing Sunday Schools" in America.

My mother loves to tell this story: Soon after beginning a new pastorate in West Virginia almost 30 years ago, we were preparing to sit down with visiting family for dinner just as the evening news was coming on with a report about the governor. As his grandmother reached to turn off the tv, eight year old Jonathan pleaded to watch a few more moments to see if the governor was going to announce that his dad had come to West Virginia.

A few years before that, I attended an annual church growth conference in one of the world's largest churches. At the end of the conference, the famous pastor invited attendees from around the country to line up at his pulpit to state one by one how the conference had helped them, which many did. I recall one excited young pastor, when it came his turn, announced to the large gathering that he had, in fact, predicted to his wife that one day he would be invited by the famous pastor to speak from this very pulpit, and sure enough, he glowed, he was surely blessed on this privileged occasion because that day had finally come, just as he had predicted. Since the score was important to him, I guess it counted.

Actually, I had already been invited a year or so before to speak from that pulpit to share about my ministry, after which, an offering was received for me. I recall declaring passionately to a large audience on that Sunday evening the secrets I had learned about successful Christian living and ministry. The long list included such standards as commitment and faithfulness. I remember my passion as I waxed an elephant on each of my points. But, as it turned out, those performance points did not hold up as a good formula to support my success after all. And when I failed, that good pastor and church were not themselves faithful or committed, or even present, to help me.

How I would love now to go back in time to that evening and present the grace concepts of God's provisions (especially through relationship to Christ) to establish us in health and happiness and fruitfulness in helping others

Don Loy Whisnant/Journey Notes 8J18

gracepointamerica.org

Investment Leadership: Sometimes a Challenging Concept to Sell

Walking with my arm around a young man's shoulder in our youth ministry many years ago, I playfully lifted the side of my foot and swatted him on the seat of his pants, then quipped that every time I lifted my foot that way, it always whopped someone in the rump. He wasn't amused. I learned that he was from an abusive home, so I was careful not to do that again.

After years of providing marriage counseling, I have found it sometimes a hard concept to sell that it is the husband's role, not the wife's, to take lead responsibility for the health of the relationship (investment leadership).

Sometimes to illustrate to a user husband the reason his wife is ready to leave the marriage, I press on the knuckle of my little finger and note that, if it is injured, even the slightest touch can be too painful. Grace counseling helps the husband to understand the pain of his wife's unmet needs and to work toward her healing.

Interestingly, the hardest sell of investment leadership can sometimes be to the wife. I recall the concept was so contrary to the traditional views of one wife that it was difficult for her to understand that it was her pain represented by the sore little finger, not her husband's.

"I get it," she had said, "I need to be careful how I react to my husband because of his pain."

"Well, yes, of course," I tried to answer, "but that's not really the point!"

Maybe the saddest example was a battered, bruised wife who came for counseling years ago asking how she could better behave toward her husband in order to motivate him not to beat her. To her surprise, I presented the concepts of investment leadership. She told me she did not agree, left, and never returned.

Don Loy Whisnant/Journey Notes 8J04

The Wiles of Manipulation

Years ago while working in retail sales, a customer brought an item to me with an altered price tag on it. I explained the price tag had been tampered with and quoted him the correct price. When he insisted on buying the item at the lower price, I offered to check our price list. Thinking up a scheme of my own, I quoted him a price twice the correct price. He was horrified and insisted on buying the item at the price I first quoted to him.

So it occurs to me that the oil guys may have schemed to double and triple the price of fuel, but knowing consumers would not be happy, they increased the price first to $4.25 before lowering it so that customers would think $3.50 is cheap.

Don Loy Whisnant/Journey Notes 8H19

gracepointamerica.org

The Confession of a Parent, Husband, and Pastoral Counselor: I Don’t Care

My most honest confession is that I don’t value myself or others. And why not! How could it be otherwise! It is not my inborn temperament or human nature to value, but only to use. Even if I give, it will not be a redemptive investment, but only with expectation for a return that satisfies my own impulsive, carnal needs.

Not only so, but in all my life I have not been significantly valued, but instead, only considered valuable to be used to support the feel good goals and needs of others, including parents, teachers, coaches, pastors, and employers, good people all.

But the Holy Spirit has birthed in me the heart of Christ. As I am renewed daily by who he is in me, I am slowly increased to value myself and to care for the redemptive needs of others. This so that I can stop using them or offering myself to be used.

Don Loy Whisnant/Journey Notes 8H18

gracepointamerica.org

A Fun Memory from Early Ministry

Buddy was a favorite member of the Gethsemane Quartet. He was a handsome, picture-perfect guy, had a great voice, a delightful spirit, and a winsome personality. Buddy was also a comedian.

The large auditorium was packed and excited when the quartet returned for a concert to our church. When their time came on the program, the group quickly ascended the front steps of the platform. In route, Buddy misstepped and fell on his face in front of God and everybody. But just as quickly, Buddy recovered, wobbled a bit to catch up with the group, then leaned into the microphone and offered an explanation for his tardiness. "I fell down!" he said

A Grace Perspective

Some people are funny. I mean as in comedian. I have a dry sense of humor, but I am not funny. I have been told I was "funny," but I don’t think it was meant as a compliment.

Sometimes I can report a story that's funny and get a grin. But I am not gifted to tell a story in a way to make you laugh.

But a funny story doesn’t need any help. Funny can stand on its own. One does not really need to be a comedian to tell a story that is already funny.

The same is true about singing or acting. Either the performance is gifted and enabled or it is affected, meaning it is asserted and artificial.

That is the point I try to make about Truth. Truth has its own power. It does not need sensationalism to communicate it. It just doesn’t. The Holy Spirit will drive Truth like a sword into a person's heart.

Also, we do not need to "perform" the Christian life ("Affected Performance," I call it). Christ will live his life in and through us to make the performance of our Christian life and service to others authentic.

Suffering: The Legacy of Failed Leadership

I caught a glimpse of Tammy Faye Bakker's emaciated body on a news report of Larry King's interview with her very shortly before she died on Saturday. It was a horrific sight. Last year I saw a portion of her latest attempt at TV. Her program was called "You Can Make It" and her message was consistent with that theme. How I wished her message had been, "No, you cannot make it. Your only hope to make it is through connection to God's provisions for your health and happiness."

But my saddest thought looking at her 65-pound body was how she had been failed by the relationships in her life whose role it was to be a resource to her for the support she needed. I grieve deeply her suffering. I grieve also the ignorance of parents, husbands, and pastors who fail those God has given them to serve.

The Significance of Seven, Seven, O Seven

We know the number seven was prominent in the Old Testament and had some significance for teaching about God, but there is not really any mystical power to numbers.

That said, I love the number seven. For many years I have found it enjoyable to note how many times it has popped up in my life. It began many years ago when I heard a taped message by Uncle Buddy Robinson, a well-known Nazarene evangelist of his day (I loved to hear him preach!) in which he told of an unusual series of events in his life that was marked by the number seven. At that time I had two post office mailboxes: 1033 and 1132. Wow! So I started amusing myself by paying attention to the number seven, particularly as it marked the addresses or room numbers linked to me. (I know, I needed to get a life!) Interestingly, there have been a lot. For example, my and my wife's first home was 5002. We moved to 560. Currently, my address is 1449.

But nothing will be true about your life on this date that will be the explanation for anything of eternal value - not unless we are somehow inspired by it today to be renewed in our relationship to Christ, that is, to make this the start-up day for the rest of our life to begin taking time daily to give him opportunity each morning to communicate his love to us by the Holy Spirit through his Word, in which case, 7/7/07 can be a special date with eternal significance for us.