Looking at our
large back yard last night with family members, it occurred to me that a half
century ago, I was 14 years old. That was a somber thought.
I also thought
that in those days a yard this size would have been filled almost everyday with
neighborhood kids playing softball, even if it was with a stick sometimes, or
football. But that was before video games.
My thoughts then drifted to my childhood. I
became a Christian when I was 5 and surrendered to the ministry when I was 17.
But I missed having essential temperament needs met at home in my early life
(especially for validation and affection), and as a result, I was not only left
broken, but also unsupported later in life for meeting the redemptive
leadership needs of others - especially my family.
We can recover from some failures. For
example, our bodies can recover from the foolish choices we make that break our
health. We can also recover financially, vocationally, and even
psychologically. And sometimes, elements of a relationship can also be
repaired. I can give testimony to all of these.
But recovery of lost leadership influence
with those God gives us to serve is very difficult. It has something to do with
the addictions and anger those relationships fall into because of the pain of
their unmet leadership/support needs.
Of course, this is not the same as codependent
(make-me-feel-better) relationships. Those relationships seem to never be lost
because they do not depend on effectual leadership to meet redemptive needs but
on performance (also handouts) to accommodate superficial pain relief needs.
Even if the support leadership is good,
those it serves may still temporarily drift away. We see this in the Gospels
during Christ's ministry on earth, and also in the New Testament account of the
first century church. Paul expressed grief in his letter to some he had pastored
at Galatia
But, as a rule, the falling away is because
of poor leadership, not regardless of good leadership.
The support we offer in our counseling to
parents warns about this – that we may not get but one chance to get it right.
This means the fallout of our failure to meet the redemptive needs of our
children (lost leadership influence/opportunity) can be passed on to several
generations (become a "generational curse").
But if we do get it right - that is, if we
are enabled by our experience of Christ to provide effectual leadership to
those we serve, it will support them for getting it right with those they
serve.
This is included in the meaning of
"Now
to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according
to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in
Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen."-
Ephesians 3:21-22
DonLoy
Whisnant/Journey Notes 13C21/The Grace Perspective 13D03
